1.31.2010

31...



well, I ran out of music before I ran out of booze last night. We had a little snow, too, last night, just a coating, but it made everything look pretty. After it cleared out, around midnight, the just past full moon made it all the more beautiful. I needed some enforced beauty, the past few days have not been very good. I'm waking up every ten minutes during the night, thinking that Tiger the cat is there, curled up next to me. This is damned hard. Without thinking, I turned down the pet food aisle in the grocery store this morning and it was so strange, like I was in some foreign land, nothing made any sense and I just stood there, wondering what I was doing there. I'm sorry about keeping on about this, but Tiger was very special to me... I'm very lost right now. It's going to be a long while before I find any closure in this. There was a bond there that transcended the usual with a pet, which she really was not. It's very hard to let go...
In other news, I'm going to spend the next few weeks investigating some places where I can publish books on demand. I'm going to sit down, go through the piles of stories and poetry I've written over the past thirty years or so years, and put something together. I don't know what direction it's going to take, I don't know what era of my writings it will be gleaned from, but it will be interesting, to me at least, to re-read all that stuff and see what I come up with. I went through some stages in my writings over the years, influenced by many other writers, like Richard Brautigan, Dylan Thomas, Burroughs, Frost and others, and I developed a style that is comfortable and easy, which I guess, on one hand, is a good thing, but on the other, it removes some of the edge. I guess I'll find out when it hits the New York Times Top Ten list, huh?
I am planning on including my photography, so you'll have some pictures to look at while reading it, if you so deign. I was thinking of doing the printing and binding myself, I still may, depending on the cost of the short run printing. Something to think about. Idle hands and all that...
Well, I have to go stick the meat thermometer in the meatloaf that's been going in the oven, and start steaming the veggies and put together a salad for dinner. I have some fresh baked onion rolls to go with it, and some wonderful, ripe and very moldy blue cheese.
Have a wonderful evening, my fellow wanderers. Fare thee well.




go ahead, make your day...

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1.30.2010

30.06...







go ahead, make your day...

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30.05...





It's a race!!! What will I run out of first? Booze or music? Probably the booze... crap.


go ahead, make your day...

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30.04




I guess it's just the mood I'm in... last KC for the evening, I promise.


go ahead, make your day...

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30.03





the double trio incarnation of KC...


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30.02





best heard loud...


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30.01...




I think it's going to be a long night, and I'm in a sharing mood...


go ahead, make your day...

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30...



well, I buried Tiger The Cat® this morning, I guess that's that. She's right next to Sheba, The Hound from Heck®, they were pretty good friends for many years, or at least they tolerated each other. This grim old pile seems pretty empty right now. I guess that will pass, too.
Now it's time to concentrate on gearing up for some major landscaping projects, preparing the area in the back yard for my workshop and making a list of things that I need to do to the outside of Stately Sad Old Goth Manor®, once the weather starts warming up. It's going to be a busy summer, I'm thinking I need to start seriously working toward losing some weight and getting some real aerobic exercise in preparation for all that, or else Mr.s SOG will be planting me next to Tiger and Sheba. No real inside projects planned for the upcoming year, other than doing something with our laundry room / pantry, I have to do something with it, it's an unbearable waste of space and the old pantry that's in there, which is huge, has turned into a crap catcher. We could use the extra space for food storage and some additional counter space for the kitchen. We're also pretty committed to putting in a composting toilet system, and I'll need some room in there for the free-standing composting part, which is convenient, it's right under the toilet room of the upstairs bathroom. I'm going to have to get rid of the hot water tank and put in an on demand system that will be mounted on the wall for some space, might even look into one of those combination washer/dryer things. With just the Mrs. and me here, we don't really do that much laundry and in the warm weather we use a clothesline outside unless it's raining or we need to dry something in an emergency. No sense taking up all that floor space for a dryer. Been thinking about switching the whole house over the natural gas, too. Right now we're heating with fuel oil and use propane for cooking, hot water and the dryer. Changing over would certainly simplify managing two fuel sources and would free up some space right behind the house where the oil tank and propane tank currently reside. I could extend the patio right across the back of the house, add a nice pergola and have a wonderful place to sit in the evenings, have a Martini or two and survey the estate.
Well, my friends, it's been a hell of a past few days. I'm going to make myself some dinner, pour a few stiff ones and sit in the dark and listen to some music. It will be kind of strange, having an empty lap...
I bid thee all fair 'eve. Fare thee well.



go ahead, make your day...

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Saturday's Goth Girl...



time to get back into the swing of things...



that's some smile, isn't it?



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1.28.2010

Tiger The Cat...



I have a really big cat shaped hole in my heart right now. I had to bring Tiger The Cat to the vet tonight and the best thing they could do for her was put her out of her pain. She was failing over the last few weeks, and had recently stopped eating and drinking and when I was driving home tonight, my wife, Cathy, called me to say she found her lying on the floor, and she was in pain and not breathing well. When I got home she was pretty much gone. I wrapped her up in my old sweater that she always slept on, in her chair in our little breakfast nook and took her out to my truck. I held her all the way to the vet's place and she was pretty much unresponsive by the time we got there. The young lady vet told me she wouldn't have made it through the night, so I had to make that heart rending decision, once again. I held her face in my hands and talked to her while she passed.
She was one of the most gentle and loving creatures that ever walked this earth. She was just a kitten I could hold in the palm of my hand when I found her while tearing down an old shed on my property. We took her in and she was my cat. She slept on me every night, woke me up every morning. When I'd sit in the kitchen breakfast nook, which is really a plant room now, in an our old chair to watch NASCAR races on Sunday, she would curl up in my lap and sleep, or eat some of what ever I was eating. She could be a pest. She scratched the heck out of our old woodwork, but she got over doing that. She always got excited when we took out the Christmas decorations, especially when she saw her stocking, she remembered what it was and that there were always good things in it for her. She was my good friend for almost nineteen years and I miss her so much already. I don't know what I'm going to do without her, but time will pass and she will be a part of me the rest of my life.
I'm going to bury her tomorrow, right next to our old Lab, Sheba, under the maple tree on the side of our house. She loved to lay in the sun and she will have sun every day it shines.
I don't know what happens when we die. I try not to think about it too much. I've always believed that something is beyond this mortal coil, and, if so, I guess I'll have the chance to see Tiger and Sheba once again. I hope so.
If you have any pets, give them a big hug for me tonight.
Thanks.
Gregor







go ahead, make your day...

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1.26.2010

26...



i swore i would never write another poem. but i have. one of these days, i'm going to put all of them into a book. and my short stories. maybe...

You said...

You said you were the moon,
hiding behind the wires
that carried the cries
of lovers,
from a phone booth outside a bar.
Short stories, traveling far...
Just "No..."
Arms held open are not
what they seem to be.
It's easy to slip right through.
It's easy to hide behind the moon,
hide behind me...
I've become your virtuoso,
singer of your hard times,
hiding my face, hiding the signs.
You weren't the moon,
you weren't mine.
Now I'm the wire,
and the wire cries...
You said you were the moon,
hiding behind the wires
that carried the Siren's song,
but that was wrong.
You said you were the moon,
now you say you're the wires,
and I sing your sad song,
your sad, sad song.





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1.25.2010

25...



I've decided to join in Diane's Musical Monday meme... any excuse to expose the world to my tastes...
October Project is perfect for my rainy, windy Monday afternoon.



There is something in Mary Fahl's voice the just goes right through me...
Enjoy.




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1.23.2010

23...




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Saturday's Goth Girl...







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1.21.2010

21.03...



i started with a theme here, but it just degraded into the usual wine fueled nonsense. push play. enjoy...




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21.02...



The Flea and I think a lot alike, at times... mostly he's so very far ahead of me...
I was railing to Mrs. SOG last night how the IDF is right there in Haiti, and yet there's been no mention of them on any of the news outlets, not even Fox...
For shame. Just because the Wetback Kenyan Squatter® in the White House has thrown Israel under the bus, doesn't mean everyone else has to. Thanks to the men and women of the IDF. Don't worry, we redneck, racist teabaggers got yer six.



go ahead, make your day...

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21.01...



*snicker...*
The walls are tumbling down. They should change the name of Washington DC to Jericho...



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21...



Tea Parties..? Bah. Come join the real revolution...



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1.20.2010

20...



Haiti has been hit with a 6.1 quake this morning. I pray for those people all day long, and I pray none of our brave troops and volunteers have not been harmed. You know of whom I speak... yes, the Imperialist invaders that are occupying Haiti, or so they've been called by France, Venezuela and Cuba... and not a few in this country, especially the racists on WBAI Radio, that bastion of anti-American, hate spewing "intellectuals" out of Long Island, NY. If you're so concerned about the fate of your Haitian brothers and sisters, why don't you go down there and work side by side with our men and women in uniform and the thousands of civilian volunteers, instead of sitting on your probably ample asses in your comfy studio, preaching your racist bullshit. Cowards.

On a lighter note, this was the highlight of my night last night as I watched the fall of the socialists in Massachusetts... from Senator Brown's speech:

Telling the crowd he received a phone call from President Obama, Brown alluded to his campaign ads featuring his pickup truck, which the president mocked in a campaign stop Sunday.

“When I spoke to the president, the first thing I said was, would you like me to drive the truck down to Washington so you can see it?” Brown said.


(Read more: http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0110/31674.html#ixzz0d9iJgGw7)

Indeed...



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1.18.2010

and such an evening it was...



I had the distinct pleasure of spending Sunday evening breaking bread and raising glasses with some of the cream of the crop of Jersey Bloggers at the House of Bingley; Jim, of Parkway Rest Stop, and his lovely wife; Fausta, of Fausta's Blog, and her husband; Suzette, writer of the wonderful Cripes Suzette and her husband. Before dinner we crowded the kitchen, noshing on such an array of delicacies and enjoying cocktails, engaging in the varied and interesting conversations, then moved to the dining room and feasted and drank and laughed for hours. It was a wonderful thing.
It was great to see these friends again and put aside the nonsense of the world for a while and just relax. Thanks again, Bing.



go ahead, make your day...

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1.16.2010

Saturday's Goth Girl...






a cheery little lass for a change...


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1.15.2010

15...



this is what happens when you fall under the spell of the Cult of Ellison...



of course, first falling under the spell of a few brown ales helps...

in other news, this week was the suck. this mess in Haiti has been something to contend with, our friend has had only limited contact with only a few family members, there is no accounting for others at this time.
it pisses me off, and not a little bit, that some have exhibited such disdain for the people of that country. now is not the time, regardless of your opinion of them and, i have to say, i've had the pleasure of knowing a few people from Haiti, one of whom i know dearly, and they are good people. don't lay the sins of their maniacal leaders on their shoulders, especially now. they need help. Americans help everyone. it's what we do. we put aside politics and race and religion and we pitch in and help.

it's Friday. i'm alone, save for the felines who are asleep somewhere in this grim old pile. i'm half lit. i'm taking pictures of myself wearing a Tupperware colander. i'm carving pieces off a huge chunk of Swiss cheese, that's my dinner. i'm listening to music and thinking about having a cigarette and another beer. actually, i am going to go have a smoke and crack another cold one. right now. might be back later.



go ahead, make your day...

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1.13.2010

please help Haiti...



I have a very strong connection with this impoverished nation through a dear friend, Samuel Dalembert, of the Philadelphia 76'rs. While the government of Haiti is steeped in corruption, it is the people who suffer and right now, because of yesterday's earthquake, the conditions there are unimaginable. If you can, please consider making a donation at the Hope For Haiti site, or through the Samuel Dalembert Foundation site.
Thanks.

UPDATE: Also see here as another place to donate, courtesy of Mr. Bingley. Thanks, Bing.



go ahead, make your day...

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1.10.2010

10...



I just finished putting a huge pot of beef stew together, it's simmering on the stove. Should be done around six or so. Going to serve it with some toasted Asiago cheese bagels and a nice red table wine from Argentina, with a Caesar salad on the side.
I spent yesterday and today halfheartedly taking down all the Christmas decorations. I really hate doing that. It takes three or four days to put everything up; garland around all the interior doors, the living room and dining room ceilings and both mantels, the banister at the top of the stairs that lines the upper hallway, that intertwined by vintage bubble lights; the tree takes the better part of a day. We have so many vintage ornaments from the early twentieth century, up through the fifties and each gets placed according to it's size and style; we work from the top, hanging the smallest and work down to the bottom, where the largest are hung. Hand blown glass clusters of grapes, hops, raspberries, pears, pickles and pine cones from Germany, that came from my Mother's side of the family. Delicate glass birds, with feather wings and tails, mercury mirrored globes and frosted bells and balls from England, from my Father's side of the family. Glow in the dark plastic icicles from the forties, and a wonderful set of dark cobalt blue balls with frosted comets, stars, moons and rocket ships from the fifties. Plus all the little things the girls made during their childhood, and special little things from friends and family. Gold and cranberry colored glass bead garlands from somewhere, had them for years, don't know where they came from. Walnut shells, painted silver, red and green, that were made by my Mother's Father in the early twenties. Frosted pine cones I gathered years ago and made by coating the edges of them with glue and adding ground mica. And, to top it off, an angel, made by our youngest daughter, from the pressed cardboard cone shaped spool from a bale of baker's twine, some lace wings, pipe cleaner arms and halo, crowning a head made from a styrofoam ball, with smiling eyes and lips painted on. I have a collection of vintage lights, complete with star shaped reflectors, that can't be left to burn too long, they get too hot, but fill the room with a special light and beauty that brings me back to the wonder that was my Christmas as a child. My parents put their hearts into Christmas, as it were. It was something to behold; every room, including the little bathroom of our cottage style home, was filled with sparkly garland hanging from the ceilings, every inch draped with the old style lead icicles, that hung like a veil and gave the appearance of real ice coating everything. except over the in-floor gas heater, where it wafted and danced and sometimes fell down through the grating, causing much excitement when it started to smolder. I'm sure i suffer from the effect of the fumes of the lead, maybe that's why I'm like i am... Celluloid reindeer stood guard on the end tables, keeping watch over the hand made nut bowls, ceramic holiday candy dishes and the ever present fifties chip and dip set that was placed on the coffee table, next to the Christmas cigarette box, table lighter and holiday ashtrays. Every table had snowflake shaped, hand crocheted doilies. Every armchair and the sofa had holiday themed crocheted covers on the arms and antimacassars on the backs, all lovingly labored over by my Grandmother, who wielded her crochet hooks like a conductor pulling a concerto out of shiny white yarn, delicate as a human hair. Huge, tin Lionel trains from the thirties circled around their little world under the tree; a village of cardboard buildings, painted in colors that would stand out in Art Deco Miami, their roofs and yards frosted with ground mica, that hung from their eaves and dusted the bottle-brush pine trees in their yards; angel hair snow covered that land, piled up between the little houses and to the edges of the railroad tracks, and made the shores of the blue glass mirror pond, upon which skated cast metal couples, the girls in their tufted coats, white skates and hands buried in furry muffs, the men with striped ski caps, flowing out behind them, ending in a white painted metal puff, brown jackets with white fur collars, their hands thrust deep into their pants pockets to fight off the chill, except for those of one couple, who skated as one, her head buried in the shoulder of her man, his arm around waist, skating in step, the stars reflecting in their strange blue ice not white, like those of our mortal world, but blue and green and red and yellow... Their painted faces, framed by bright red cheeks, and those ever present smiles, perhaps wrought by knowing that they, more than anyone else, would forever live in that fantastic winter wonderland, interrupted only by that dark, dusty, cardboard scented sleep, wrapped lovingly in the local newspaper, or left over tissue paper from this years presents, white and soft and flecked in glitter, like that special crystalline snow of the imagination, of treasured lore and of Christmases of old...

Now, everything is packed into boxes and bags and cartons in the dining room, ready to be moved back up into the attic for another year. The tree has been carted out to the brush pile, I'll retrieve the trunk this summer to burn in our fire pit, completing it's cycle, returning to the air and the earth. Like we all will. Would that we could bring such wonder and beauty in our short days...
Well, time to go stir the stew and pour another glass of wine. Be well, my fellow wanderers. Fare thee well.
Gregor



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1.06.2010

6...



tomorrow, i get to dress up like a citizen and travel to the Big Apple to lend support to a gaggle of corporate types at a big meeting...
i get to ride on a train... choo, choo... astounding tales to follow tomorrow night, i'm quite sure.



go ahead, make your day...

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1.05.2010

5... continued...



2 things;
1. Happy Twelfth Night.
2. Commenter John asks why I started blogging. A fair question, worthy of an honest answer. John, I haven't the slightest idea. I've been reading blogs for years, probably nine or ten and just figured I'd give it a shot. I'm not much of a socialite, I can count my closest friends on one hand and have a few left over. I don't go clubbing any more, rarely go to concerts or shows, just the occasional opera or a night out with a friend, sometimes my daughters. I shun being in public in general. I guess it was just an available outlet for whomever wanted to read what I had to say, respond or refute, without having to endure the face to face thing. This blog has changed over the years. It started out as a "hey, guess what I did today?" thing, interjected with some humorous looks at current events, then folded into some sort of gut spilling venture during an especially dark time in my days, then I got very political and, thankfully, now, it's much less so. That was taking a toll that I couldn't afford to pay. It's been a place to show my dark side, I've always been a sullen foole and when I found the goth outlet back in the day, I jumped into that feet first and found some comfort there. I was always of the goth bent, just never had a style or label to go with it. I never let it go, hence the title of the blog. Some people mistake the "sad" for unhappy, but it's not. "Sad old goth" is a term coined by the second generation of goth kids back in the eighties for those who passed into the nether world of their thirties and beyond and still hung on to the lifestyle. Sad = pathetic...
I guess all this is less of an explanation than I could really dredge up, but all of it is truth. I will say that because of this blog, my horizons have been immeasurably expanded, I've made a multitude of "friends" that I'll probably never meet and the many that I've been able to meet are the most admirable, honest, forthright and upstanding folk I'd ever had the pleasure to. They are rare folk, indeed, very rare.
So, there you go, somewhat. An answer, of sorts.

And now, gentle friends, I shall bid thee fair eve. I am alone this night, save for Tiger, Basil and Grem, three of the most wonderful cats I've ever had the honor of knowing. Night has folded her soft, dark wings around Stately Sad Old Goth Manor®, all is quiet, save for the strains of Henry Purcell's "Hear My Prayer, Oh Lord", playing in the next room, the seemingly ever present wind howling through the spruce trees and the eternal tick, tick, tick of the ancient clock that shares my lair...
Fare thee well this night, my fellow wanderers. Fare thee well...
Gregor




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5...



i'm beginning to understand, and not in an entirely regrettable way, why some people just give up...


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1.04.2010

4...



I started this blog seven years ago today...


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1.03.2010

3...



It's 24 degrees with 30 mph winds, and higher gusts. I'm sitting in the sun coming in the bay window, trying to stay warm. I am a cat...


go ahead, make your day...

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1.02.2010

2...



the sun looks an unworldly silver color this winter's day. it is windy and cold outside and empty inside. the hallway echoes...
there is not enough in the world today.



go ahead, make your day...

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1.01.2010

1...



nothing. maybe tomorrow...


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