at the end of the first quarter...

the score is:
Stately Sad Old Goth Manor's Kitchen Wall: 2
Sad Old Goth, The Dark Prince of Home Renovation: 0
I spent a good hour the other night removing the damaged sheetrock and prepping the old plaster wall behind it and cutting a new piece of sheetrock to fit. I measured for a new wall socket (might as well since I'm doing wall surgery anyway), double and triple checked the fit and called it a night. I came home tonight, got the drill and drywall screws ready and got ready to apply some heavy duty, fast drying construction adhesive to the plaster wall, pop in the sheetrock and run a few screws in to hold it tight until the adhesive set up. I cut the end off the tube of adhesive at the suggested thirty degree angle, just where it would apply the suggested one quarter inch bead of adhesive. I put the tube in the caulking gun and, when I put just a slight, barely any pressure on the trigger, a glob of adhesive shot out, landing in the sink. Even though the manufacturer says it is not for use with non-porus surfaces, it bonded rather well and quite instantly with the stainless steel. Wasted a good fifteen minutes cleaning that mess up. So, then I got around to running the bead of adhesive on the plaster sub-wall. "Why scrimp?", I thought, and applied the entire tube. I let it set up for a few minutes so it would be a little tacky. This, I thought, would help prevent the sheetrock from sliding down behind the kitchen counter backsplash until I ran the screws in. I went to put the patch in place and... the fucker would not fit! I had it in place at least six times the other night while I was fitting it and it slid in and out with ease. Now, however, the sheetrock has mysteriously grown too large to fit the hole. Granted, there was a certain amount of wrangling to get it in place previously as it has to fit under a cabinet and slide down behind the backsplash, but the other night I was practically doing it with my eyes shut. By now, there are strings of adhesive hanging everywhere. It's on the kitchen counter top; it's on my hands; it's in the hair on my arms; Quick! What to do? Why, take the utility knife and start hacking away at the patch until it fit again, all the while getting more and more adhesive all over the place. I finally got it in and ran a half dozen screws into it to hold it into place overnight. By this time I had uttered almost every oath that I could think of and invented a few more. I had plans to do more tonight, but decided that was a portend of things to come. I put my tools away, cleaned up the mess and am now sitting here, writing this embarassing story while taking swigs on a beer and pulling glue out the hair on my arms. Shit, that really, really hurts...
And so, gentle readers, I shall now draw the curtain of charity across this sore scene and go have another beer.
Remember, anything worth doing is usually not, but it is worth paying someone to do it for you.

pearls before swine...


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