The foul malady that has been suppressing my usually sunny demeanor is starting to wane, so that means no more languishing on the divan, holding the back of my hand against my forehead, moaning and groaning and generally looking pathetic, trying for some sympathy from my beloved, or at least the cat, and it's back to work this weekend... and such a fun-filled list awaits the attention my less than eager soul...

1. Replace the hinge on the damned toilet seat that broke two weeks ago. Although sitting on an unsecured toilet seat has its moments of high hilarity and adventure, the new hinge has arrived and it's time to say adieu to bowel and bladder emptying acrobatics. This, of course, could have been remedied almost immediately after the hinge broke, had we been in possession of a normal, good enough to plant your ass upon, Walmart $9.95 pink metal flake plastic squatter, by purchasing a new seat right away, but we have the most darling, solid cherry, espresso color, hand rubbed wax finish toilet seat that $84.00 can buy, so it is repair, not replace. It is, however, the perfect color to match the cabinet work in the bathroom and it is a round toilet seat, not one of those absurd elongated things, which would look ridiculous on our vintage porcelain behemoth of a commode. It was made sometime in the early part of the Twentieth Century, when water was cheap, getting rid of crap was cheaper and no one gave a second thought to using five or six gallons of water to get rid of last night's dinner. There is no fear of ever clogging that thing up, no matter how manly a deposit is left. No need for a courtesy flush here, friends. In fact, I would caution against it, as the venturi effect of that much water being released while your ass is sealing the opening would cause such a vacuum that you would probably suffer the prolapse of some important inner bit. The sound it makes when flushed is probably not unlike that massive sucking sound that occurred when the Titanic went down to it's last ever after... perhaps during the flush cycle, I could somehow arrange for the playing of 'Songe d'Automne', the old Episcopalian hymn supposedly played by the Titanic's band, as they stood braced against the tilted deck, until the cold and dark salt water muted their last, heroic strains... but enough of such talk.

2. Finish the tape and spackle work in the upstairs spare bedroom, so I can clean it up to make room so I can have a warm place to work on the built in bookcase and mantle for the living room.

3. Empty the closet under the center stairs so I can rip one of the walls out to install the electrical work and thermostat for the living room floor radiant heating.

4. Rake leaves and generally tidy up the grounds, they are a wreck.

I don't know if that is the order in which these chores will be at least attempted, as the weather prognosticators call for wet and dreary tonight and tomorrow, so I guess today will be the outside work and tomorrow will be the inside work. Such a gay and carefree life I lead...

So, it's another cup of coffee, then off to the Post Office and recycling place, then, I fear, to the tasks at hand. I'll chat with you later.

go ahead, make your day...



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