I've been carrying this around in my head since I thought of it on Saturday morning, but I haven't had a minute to write it down. I hope I remember it right...
I realized at some point, that I stopped planning for the rest of my life and have started planning for the end of my life. Maybe they are, in reality, the same thing, but it was a interesting revelation. In the fleeting moment of the thought, these things crossed my mind;
I have lived and still live an ordinary life. I have done nothing of note, which, I assure you, is not something that worry about. If nothing else, the steadiness of my life has been satisfying; I find it amazing, though, that it is impossible to describe all of the experiences I've had within my mind. What spurred this revelation was the way the early mornng winter light illuminated a portion of my bathroom wall. I've seen this part of the wall for the twenty two years I've lived in this house and it was astounding to realize that I prefer to see it when lit by summer sunlight, than by winter light. The hue of the wall in the duller, colder light of this time of year imparts a slightly grey cast to it, which, while not unpleasing, just does not look the same as the brighter and warmer light of the summer. The window in that area of the room is on the east side of the house and it is the morning light I'm talking about. Right now, the wall is not, to me, pleasing to look at, however, with the higher and more intense sun makes it so much more wonderful. Why? That's what I cannot explain. It just is.
I think that the ability to transfer that feeling, in what ever medium, that is what makes an artist so special. Whether they work in paints or pen or stone or song, or whatever, they have that special gift that allows them to let you know what they see in their mind. I feel a lesser person that I do not have that talent. I have seen so many things in the light and the dark that I can never pass on. I have felt sensations, heard notes so fleeting, yet they have so affected my being and my soul...and I am at a complete loss in passing those wonderful experiences on to my fellow beings.
I'm sorry. I would share them all with you, if I could.
Good night, peace and love to you all.