4.30.2004

what am I listening to..?
the whirling of the ceiling fan...


there's International Intrigue afoot...

those crazy Darchangels, Chris and Shana, have invited me to join them in an international blog! Now you can have your senses assailed by sad old goths from both sides of the pond! And just what might this all be about? Why, "Goths just wanna have fun!".


4.29.2004

what am I listening to..?
it's not the Pacific Ocean across the street...


heavens below...


on a Saturday afternoon, in February, 1972, there was nothing left to do but scrub your kitchen floor. our late breakfast was done. our after late breakfast sex was done. it was chilly and foggy outside. it was chilly and dim inside. the choices were few. sit around and drink coffee or scrub your kitchen floor. I voted for coffee, as usual. we could, you said, drink coffee after we scrubbed your kitchen floor. we would, you said, sit naked together in the middle of the kitchen, on the newly scrubbed floor and drink coffee. you said we could climb mount everest, play bounty hunter or write poems about coffee and bicycles, but only after we scrubbed your kitchen floor. you had, I mentioned, lived here over the luncheonette for almost two years and never scrubbed your kitchen floor. you stuck out your lower lip and narrowed your eyes, a face that was reserved for two occasions; you were either going to have an orgasm or you were going to surgically remove a section of my jugular vein. I surmised it was not due to orgasm. so we set about to scrub your kitchen floor. you went to get dressed. I assembled the following:
one bucket for hot water and soap.
one large spaghetti pot for cold rinse water.
one large, brand new, never before touched by human hands, genuine hog bristle scrub brush (now where did that come from?).
all the dirty towels from your bathroom to wipe the floor with.
a pot of coffee.
you returned wearing a tee shirt and a baseball cap. nothing else. and so, we began.
where to start? if we start over there, and work our way over here, we won’t get trapped in the kitchen, we can end up in the living room. ok. I started to scrub. you rinsed. we both wiped. it was becoming apparent that, as we got into it, something interesting was unfolding under our hands and knees. we expected the floor to end up being a lighter shade of gray tile than what it started out as, but as years of dirt and grime and neglect were scrubbed away, the floor was actually made of tiles that were shiny white. and even more surprising, here and there was a tile with a little blue star glazed into it. more and more, as we scrubbed around the edges, stars started to appear. as we got closer to the center of the room, the blue of the stars started to overtake the white of the tiles until, in the very middle of the kitchen, once scrubbed clean, was a galaxy of shiny blue stars. we scrubbed and rinsed and wiped for hours, moving the table and icebox and cabinets so we could do the floor under them until, when it was starting to get dark outside, we had our own night sky under our raw knees. we just knelt there looking around, not speaking as it all sunk in. we cleaned up the bucket and pot and brush and towels and then you took a quick shower and put some real clothes on. go take a shower, you said. you were going out to the store down the street.
I stood in the rain of hot water, letting the steam clean the smell of soap out of my nose and the grit off my skin and thought about who created that floor. why, in the kitchen of some little walk up flat over a Pacific beach luncheonette, would someone take all that time and trouble and expense to create something so astounding?
I turned off the water and wrapped myself in some towels and walked through to the kitchen. now I knew. there you were, sitting naked in the middle of the floor, surrounded by a hundred little birthday candles you bought, one stuck on every star around the edges of the room, blazing away. you looked so sacred sitting there. glowing stars, a naked you and two cardboard cups of store down the street coffee. I got the only two mugs you owned, the one with the angel on it and the one with the map of Idaho. we filled them with the cardboard coffee and drank a toast to the heavens above and the heavens below. and then we climbed mount everest, played bounty hunter and wrote poems about coffee and bicycles all night long.




4.24.2004

what am I listening to..?
the voices... the voices...


it is time...

for a break. I need to step away from familiar things for a while in order to clear out the dusty, cobweb filled attic of my mind, which includes this blog. I won't be gone long. I just need a break. I'll see you soon.



4.19.2004

what am I listening to..?
My Dying Bride - "The Angel and the Dark River".


I'm toasted...

too much birthday celebration, too much beer and wine...
All I can say right now is, savor each moment as it comes... they are fleeting.
and off to the land of Nod I go.
Good Night, friends.


Happy Birthday...

to my little girl, Caitlin! She's twenty today!


the apple does not fall far from the tree...

I feel old...


what am I listening to..?
the windchimes on the front porch.


a plans afoot...

tomorrow night the Bloodhound and I are sitting down and discussing an interesting business venture... it has to do with girls, bruises and rollerskates... stay tuned.



4.18.2004

what am I listening to..?
racing cars, going round and round...


spring is sprung...

so far this weekend I've:
(not in this particular order...)
drained the pool cover;
raked the yard proper around the Manor (the back forty will have to wait...);
picked up more deadfall wood then you can imagine;
bought a new blade and air filter for the lawn cutting machine;
tuned up the lawn cutting machine;
chased same around the grounds;
cleaned out the perennial beds;
planted some new perennials to replace stuff that didn't overwinter well;
did the grocery shopping;
did my laundry;
hung same outside to dry;
paid some bills;
went to the bank;
went to the post office;
took all the stuff to the recycling center;
drank some Irish ale;
smoked a few clove cigarettes;
read some of a book;
listened to some music;
read everyone's blogs;
burned the shit out of my lower lip on some pizza cheese;
played my bagpipes;
watched four basketball games;

and now I'm sitting here telling you all about it...
what did you do this weekend?



4.16.2004

what am I listening to..?
dinner being made...


damn it...

I usually don't go in for this sort of thing, but my curiosity got the better of me...
It's all Erin's, Sara's and Froyd's fault...




You're Ulysses!

by James Joyce

Most people are convinced that you don't make any sense, but compared
to what else you could say, what you're saying now makes tons of sense. What people do
understand about you is your vulgarity, which has convinced people that you are at once
brilliant and repugnant. Meanwhile you are content to wander around aimlessly, taking in
the sights and sounds of the city. What you see is vast, almost limitless, and brings you
additional fame. When no one is looking, you dream of being a Greek folk hero.



Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.




what am I listening to..?
me and the Bloodhound doing Abbott and Costello routines...


a new link...

under Rainy Day Distractions for your amazement and amusement...
LIVE! FROM THE BLACK FOREST! A HERD OF WILD BOARS!
Watch them eat! Watch them nurse their young! Watch them do all sorts of boarish things!
How fucking boring (boaring?) is my life?!?!?

See what happens when you quit smoking!


4.12.2004

what am I listening to..?
Scout Niblett - "Peoria Lunchbox Blues" (can you fall in love with a voice..?)


darkest welcomes...

to a new friend, Smiling Goth. Check out the link at the left. Welcome to the Philadelphia area, Suzi.
We're having freaking monsoons... how appropriately dreary, huh? Of course, the Bloodhound, the Mickster and I are off to the Philadelphia Film Festival's Danger After Dark series tomorrow night, so I'm sure it will be pouring... last year it was freezing. We're off to see the French film "Haute Tension", promised to be an edge of your seat frightfest and bloodbath! Yeah! Nightmare fodder!! It will have to be really something to surpass last year's favorite, "Sangre Eterna", a goth-vampire-roleplaying mindfuck of a movie...
Be sure to check out the Bloodhound's review soon in the Cafe's Viewing Room!
(yeah, I know, I've been a lazy ass lately, I haven't reviewed a new CD in two weeks... but I have an excuse! I'm fucking depressed, remember?? yeah, thanks, the same to you!)
Well, right now I have a sinus headache that would kill most mortals. I'm going to go drop some Actifed and a few beers to give it a kick start and then hit the eiderdown. I felt better when I was smoking... I think I have a clove stick or two somewhere, maybe I'll have a pull on one as well.
So, kidz, have a wonderful evening. I hope it's not pouring where you are...
and, you know, I love you all from the bottom of my black little heart!
later.



4.10.2004

what am I listening to..?
Jason Molina... somebody hide the razor blades...


Chris and Shana...

I finally updated your link! Man, I am a lazy sot!
No nap. Watched the end of the Nascar Busch race. My man Michael Waltrip won! (well, he had help... there was a huge wreck with two laps to go... ).
I'm waiting for my daughters and Herve to come home for Easter. I love it when everyone is here. I feel whole.



what am I listening to..?
dog snoring...


it's 4:24 in the afternoon...

I spent all day outside raking up the grounds and pruning dead limbs from the hedges and trees. The grounds of the Manor look like hell. I think this spring and summer will be a task of trying to get things back in order after the harsh winter. I will be saving all the outdoor construction and renovation projects for the fall, like the new belgian block patio, the new pergola and the further expansion of the flower gardens and my herb garden.
I'm beat. I'm going to have a glass of wine and take a nap. I think the last time I took a nap during the daytime I was about 17 years old. I will probably be up all night for it. If that's the case, I will be back...


4.09.2004

what am I listening to..?
the cat laughing...


long have you...

made me wander
through that lonely desert called hope...
all I ever wanted was to rest
in the shade under your tree,
all I really wanted was to dip
my hand into the cool
waters of your soul,
all I really needed was to hear
the words of your promise,
set to that song
I wrote just for you.
Just something that simple.
But you'd rather that I run
through rocks and sand,
till I fall over into my own shadow.
I'm too tired to fight off
your vulture that stands
over me now,
it's head cocked, listening
for my last breath.
I can't believe you want
me to die with sand
in my shoes.



4.07.2004

what am I listening to..?
fifties Lounge music...


down a path, darkly...

one of the wonderful things about being of the goth persuasion, is that there are no standards to uphold, no marks to hit, no in-crowds to impress. you are what you are. whether you are subtle about it, or you prefer to be in the face about it, you are easily, openly and warmly welcomed by those of the ilk. you don't even need to be blatant about it... the most amazing thing is when you walk into a place full of people of many types and there's a few other goth souls there, you almost instantly gravitate toward each other, no matter how you're dressed. it's more of what you radiate, i think. or not. who knows. who cares.
and please welcome a new goth friend to our little world, "Z". he seems to be a fellow tortured soul, please have a visit. I've added him to the links at the left.
Also, please visit Erin, she's about to post what promises to be some interesting stuff.
And, as far as having something funny for you all to look at, I decided that, indeed, discretion is the better part of valor, or in this case, humor. Some things are better left alone... especially pictures of me, stoned on Scotch at a friend's daughter's wedding...
I'm going to take a break and have another glass of wine. Go outside and look at the sky. Listen to the spring peepers calling from the brook. Smell the earth being born anew. It's a wonderful thing.



4.06.2004

what am I listening to..?
molecules... crazy, bouncing molecules...


I am still...

in a funk. I think it is due to the massive decompression that occurs between the time I leave the office and the time I get home. It's an hour plus ride during which I (thankfully) shrug off the frenetic stress of work so, when I get home, I'm usually relaxed. Problem is that I think I go to far and have been not only divesting myself of daily stress, I'm zoning out.
If I feel ambitious tomorrow I will have something funny for you to look at, provided I can summon the energy to lift the lid on the scanner and drag the mouse around.
I'm going to bed now. I hope I have some good dreams tonight. A nightmare would be fun...
I'll see you later.


4.05.2004

what am I listening to..?
the wind, the wind...


I've decided...

after sitting here staring at the Blogger entry screen for half an hour, that I have nothing of any interest, humor or wisdom to say. Perhaps later. or tomorrow. I'm bored and I'm tired and frustrated. I'll go away now.


4.03.2004

what am I listening to..?
more house sounds


oh,...

it's Saturday night and here I am, sitting before the computer, trying to be witty, but to no avail. I am a bore. I'm a boring, old goth fart. The highlight of my evening is my dinner; Chinese take-away. Pork Lo Mein, right out of the cardboard container, with an egg roll that tastes like old newspapers and a very, very cold bottle of Beck's. Haute cuisine, what? I should be out listening to some music, hanging out with people I don't know and having a great time with them, but, here I am. Or perhaps I should be in some corner coffee house, listening to some music whilst reading a book and fending off the stares of the cool and popular... I am turning into a fuddy duddy... I need to shake this funk and go on out once in a while. Problem is that if I want to go anywhere remotely fun, like, say, the Stone Pony to hang out and enjoy a band or two, I have to drive a good forty minutes each way. There is someplace closer that sometimes has some good bands, but the place is usually knee deep in obnoxious kids; not many choices. If I want to go to New York or Philly, it's an hour plus trip each way as well. So, here I sit.
I think I'm going to go have another beer, go look at the cloudy sky for a while and then maybe I'll pull out some of my old diaries and see if there's anything in there that might be interesting for you to read. Ain't that a bitch? I have to delve into my past for something interesting. Nice life, huh?
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
later.


what am I listening to..?
house sounds...


so...

Rutgers lost by seven; Herve had a great, great game; Now it's on to the next phase of his career.



4.01.2004

a brief hiatus...

until the NIT is over. Everyone at Stately Sad Old Goth Manor will be in New York tonight, yet again, to root for Rutgers as we take on Michigan for the title. Full report on the cheers or tears tomorrow.