what am I listening to..?
the silence of a solitary Saturday afternoon...

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there's a new...
music review in the Choice Cuts section of the Children of The Night Cafe home page!
Other than that, it's 5:19 on Saturday afternoon, and I've got half a bag on...
I'll be back...

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what am I listening to..?
Songs: Ohia - "Blue Factory Flame"

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i have a headache...
I've been sitting at the computer for the past two hours working in Photoshop and Illustrator, trying to create some hand-outs for the Cafe so The Bloodhound can pass them out at an extreme wrestling match next weekend... Creative, I'm not. There is a definite disconnect my imagination and my ability to translate it into something tangible... Oh, well, they don't look too bad...
very frustrating, though, I must admit.
I've always thought that, in some other place or time, I would be an excellent Professional Thinker. I suppose I was born a few hundred years too early for that job, huh? At some point our civilization is going to split into factions of Those Who Think and Those Who Don't Think... probably as a result of natural selection; there will be those who have evolved (de-evolved?) into mindless, consuming video-drones and there will be those who have forsaken having their emotions and desires force fed to them and will be of free thought. I should like to think I would be one of the latter. There may yet be a place in time for people who are just good thinkers; those who can reason, those who can imagine, those who can see things from many sides... I shudder to think what will become of our ilk in another hundred years or so. Well, that's my doomsday thought of the evening. Feel free to argue.
I'm also quite in awe of (and most jealous of) those who can write lyrics and poetry. Sitting here listening to Jason Molina's Songs:Ohia only serves to drive that home. It's quite an art to be able to cram so many pictures, so many emotions and so much to say in so few words. I can't imagine what it's like to be able to communicate so much with so little. Poets (real poets, not hacks like me) just blow my mind. How do they distill the essence of something into a few words that can stir your feelings to such depths? What must it be like to see the world with the eye of a poet or a song writer? I've long been of the opinion that all artists truly have a different physical perspective on the world, that, while most of us pass through the life around us like ghosts walking through the mist, they see all and feel all. Perhaps that's why many of the talented folks have lived such tortured lives and met such bitter ends... maybe there's just too much to take in... or maybe there's just too much inside to get it all out. Maybe that's why some have sought such tragic ends to their lives, the frustration of not being able to take in, process, translate and share all that they see and hear and feel is too much for them...
wow, do you think I've had enough coffee tonight? I don't... I'll be right back.
*insert five minutes of dead air here*
That's better, one last cup for the night. Mmmmm.... that's good. My parents were caffeine addicts. It didn't matter what time of day or night, or what might be the weather, there was always a pot of coffee on the brew. It must have been odd when guests came over; I'm sure that, when visiting other people, they were offered a drink, maybe a beer, maybe a cocktail, but in our house, it was coffee. Black. No sugar. Hot. And a cigarette. It must be a hereditary thing... I prefer a cup of hot and black, with a fag on the side, over most anything, excepting a nice bottle of wine, of course. I wonder if I can make a coffee wine? Chateau Espresso, 2004...Yeah, go ahead and laugh... while you're sleeping all comfy cozy tonight, all tangled up in the eiderdown, I'll be sitting here, cruising the web, looking for a coffee wine recipe!
Well, have I bored you enough tonight? I think so. It's a beautiful night, clear and almost warm. The moon is brilliant... ahh, the beautiful Lunica! I think I shall go out and bask in her glory for a while.
Thanks, as always, for stopping by and reading this mess. You are all too wonderful.
I bid thee all good 'eve.

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what am I listening to..?
some tv in the background... Jeopardy, I think...

---

another announcement...
from Children of The Night Cafe! We've opened up a chat room! Dark Whispers..! Stop by some time and see if The Bloodhound or I are online and say hello! We're planning on having some open forum nights, like a once a week music chat, hosted by none other than myself and another chat about horror movies and the extreme sports scene hosted by The Bloodhound! Also a great place to let us know what you'd like to see on the Cafe site, so drop in and chew the fat (or a neck!) with us for a while! There's always something going on at the Cafe!
I've been very busy lately and still a bit under the weather, so I have much catching up to do reading everyone else's blogs! I haven't forsaken you all, just been hardpressed for time!
and... while you're surfing around, stop in and have a read at Erin's blog, Sweet and Sour Goth... especially if you're into the goth scene. She's been posting some interesting stuff lately about her experiences and would love to hear of your own trials and tribulations of living the dark way...
Let's see, what else...? hmmm, actually nothing! Oh, yeah, there is... What happened to the Darchangels?!?!? I haven't been able to get on their site all day! Chris and Shana, drop a line and let us know what's up!
Well, the antihistamines are starting to take effect, I'm starting to feel all warm and fuzzy! I think I'll go walk around out in the dark woods for a while.
Fare the well, children!
(Wiccan post to come soon, I promise!)

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what am I listening to..?
Fiona Apple - "Good Defense"
Hey, what can I say, she's a hottie... now, if only she'd dye her hair black....

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busy, busy, busy...
Been spending time updating the Children of The Night Cafe home page... lots to do to keep it rolling and maybe get if off the ground one of these days...
Other than that, I've been fighting the lingering effects of my recent sickness, still have a night-time sore throat and hacking cough, though neither is anything that some '99 California Cabernet won't help...
It's cloudy and snowing lightly, which sort of pisses me off, as there is a nice conjunction of the Moon, Venus and Mars going on right now and I can't see it.
As you can tell, I'm rambling... so, I won't waste any more of your time... go read a book, or listen to some music instead, it's much better for you than this blather... maybe I'll have something interesting to say tomorrow.
have a good one...
Damn, I am a boring son of a bitch, ain't I...?

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what am I listening to..?
a strange ringing in my ears... probably from too much caffeine and too many Comtrex...

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awww...
here's the cute kitten and puppy post!

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what am I listening to..?
cat and dog snoring and dreaming...

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sorry, kidz...
you'll have to wait for the soft, cuddly puppies and cute little kittens...
how about...a cute little, eight legged hermaphrodite piggy-wiggy, all done up by The Victorian Taxidermy Company Limited, of London! The perfect centerpiece for that hard to decorate corner of your dining room... or perhaps, just the thing for little junior's nursery! Why, just think of the nightmares this could spawn in your little imp! He'd be fodder for the shrinks for years on end! I want one!
Actually, if you are at all interested in beautiful taxidermy, take a stroll around their site. This isn't you typical deer head on the den wall stuff, these are museum quality mountings, complete with habitat, encased in some of the most wonderful furniture quality displays. Amazing stuff. Reasonable prices, too.
see you later.

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what am I listening to..?
David Sylvian - "Gone To Earth"

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last word on the subject...
or maybe not...
I'll try to keep it brief and simple... I don't know as I've noticed people flocking to the goth side of life... maybe stumbling into it is more appropriate. I think that, speaking from experience, like any interesting, different and daring style, it has it's fair share of experimenters and weekenders. Which is cool. You don't know until you try. Like many other "unique" subcultures (argh... the dreaded "s" word again), it's evolution has been influenced by those who drift in and out, taking advantage of fashion trends, new music, an interesting and somewhat daring lifestyle. Those folks have only helped it grow out. It is sort of the "web" that Erin described. The funny thing about "goth" is that, unlike other subcultures (shit... I said it again...), it hasn't caused it's own destruction by constantly becoming a caricature of itself. That may sound feckless, but think about it. It has nothing to do with reinvention, it is blatant caricature. The more outlandish it becomes, the more mainstream it becomes. There's no stopping it. Most things begin to die when they start to undergo this process, television programs are constantly falling prey to this; a stupid sitcom shows up on TV and, for some unfathomable reason, becomes the hit of the season. Now the producers, writers, actors and the lot are trying to figure out why they have a hit on their hands. They don't know, can't figure it out, so they approach the next season trying to duplicate the effect of the first. They can't just throw the same crap out there and hope it will work, so they take the basic idea and try to improve on it by distorting it, stretching it this way and that until it turns into some gross, mangled, vaguely recognizable mirror of the first season; and then it starts to die...
Much like Baron Von Frankenstein's creature, in which he sought to duplicate the perfection of mankind, only to create some horrid reflection of it, which ultimately brought ruin to all. The goth culture is not like that. It never really evolves, yet it never stagnates; it sort of just rolls around, absorbing and growing, spitting out and ebbing, but it never really changes. I can't tell you why. I can't tell you why I approach my life in this way. It's just what I'm supposed to be. It's sort of asking me why I like jazz. I can't tell you, because I don't know myself. I just do.
Well, that was neither brief nor simple. Sorry.
Now I need a drink to clear out my head. I need to take a break on the subject for a while.
I'll be back later, maybe we can talk about being Wiccan!!!!!!!! No, bad idea... maybe we can chat about puppies...
nice soft puppies... cuddly puppies... and cute little pink nosed kittens...
later.

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what am I listening to..?
Frolic - "In Winter"

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I'm much better now...
than I was yesterday or the day before. Said malady has finally decided to locate itself in my throat and eyes... so I sound like a frog when I talk and my eyes look like I've had a good, day long cry... sort of the wounded Spaniel look...
gee, if I was one of those Emo creeps I'd go hang out in a coffee shop somewhere and try to pick up some sympathetic little Emo chick... but, in reality, I probably look like some jones'd out old goth creep... whatever.
It's weird how your body reacts to things in the depths of a fever. I spent most of yesterday and yester'eve in bed, tossing and turning until I got fed up and reversed my position - I put my pillows at the foot of the bed and that's all it took. Amazing. Let's see, that would put my head to the north... must be some sort of Feng Shui thing.. maybe I should rearrange the bed chamber.
*insert five minute break here...*
Well, that was fun... I just had to go outside and chase Tiger the Cat around in the dark. She squeezed out the back door as it was being closed and that is not a good thing. She is down to eight lives after an encounter with a car some years ago, I really don't want to go through that again. I am very sure that she is the reincarnation of someone that I knew, there is someone behind her eyes that I just can't figure out. Maybe in time I will. She's starting to get old looking, her fur is starting to get a little coarse and spikey and it takes her forever to wake up. It's funny to see her padding around with her eyes half closed in the morning. She's used to going to bed with me around the same time every night and when I stay up later, she stands at the bottom of the stairs and waits for me. She sleeps all night between my legs, or sometimes on my chest. She snores. And dreams. Her tail flicks back and forth and she makes the strangest sounds when she dreams. Sometimes her feet jump around. Maybe she's dreaming about chasing the flying squirrels. Or maybe she's having some strange astral event when she sleeps, some latent memories of the far, far past, when her ancestors roamed wild and free in the world. Maybe she dreams of pacing around in the shadows at the outside of an ancient campfire, waiting for the humans to finish their meal and fall asleep, to creep in the light of the dying embers to steal a scrap of meat that fell to the ground. Or maybe she dreams she's flying... cats can, I assume, have the same lofty dreams we people do. There's no knowing what goes on in her mind... I can only dream along with her.
Well, my children, all this talk of sleep and dreams is making me tired. I think I'll finish off that bottle of Claret I opened this weekend and head off to Nod myself.
I bid ye all good'eve.

---

The Mystified Taxi Company, San Diego, 1973...



I used to hate it when I dropped you off in the early morning…
You would disappear into the darkness at the top of the stairs.
Never would you turn around to wave good-bye,
Or smile over your shoulder.
Sometimes you made me feel used,
Other times you would make me feel like your garbage can,
We would both stand sentry as you walked up into your private darkness.

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what am I listening to..?
snot gurgling down my throat...

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sorry...
that was pretty fucking graphic, wasn't it..? Well, guess what..? I really don't give a flying one...
I am so fucking sick I can't believe it... I haven't slept since Sunday night. I sat up all Monday night with mucus running down my throat and hacking my brains out, which is pretty much what I spent the day doing. I stayed home from work, thinking I would sleep my way out of it, but all I did was manage to doze off for about fifteen minutes. I feel like crap. My throat is killing me, my head is pounding and my skin feels like a wet blanket stretched across a bad dream. My eyes feel like the cat pissed in them and even my hair hurts... damn. I couldn't even go the the basketball game tonight. First one I've missed all season.
This blows. I've been taking over the counter drugs all day trying to dry my sinuses out so I can sleep tonight, but to no avail. I think I'll have a glass of wine, maybe that will kick start them. Or at least help me sleep. I really don't want to take another day off work. I go nuts staying home, even when I'm sick.
I watched four DVD's today: House on Haunted Hill and The Last Man on Earth, both starring Vincent Price; 1984 starring John Hurt and Richard Burton; and, one of my manic favorites, Requiem for a Dream with Ellen Burstyn, Jared Leto, Marlon Wayans and uber hottie Jennifer Connelly... not exactly a movie I would recommend for someone in the throws of fever delerium, but, hey, what the hell.
Hey, thanks to everyone visiting the Children of The Night Cafe on-line experience, we're really racking up some hits! Got a nice notice and link on the Creepy Classics home page!
I can't believe that I'm even sitting here typing this, I'm so spaced out from the drugs and no sleep... maybe I should stay up more often, huh?
Oh, Raven, welcome back from the void! I agree with your comment one hundred percent, but I have to say that, it's been my experience that being an old goth is, I think, a little more accepted by the younger crowd than most people would think. I was always a little leary about going out to the clubs in full regalia, thinking I would be pretty embarrassed and ending up skulking in the dark corners, but the younger goth kidz are pretty receptive. They almost treat me with a little respect! Go figure! I've hung around with the skaters, the hard-core bunch and the emo crowd and they are all prissy little fuckers... they don't like to see someone my age having the same kind of fun they are, but the goth kidz are pretty open minded. Actually, the goth kidz are always the most polite, well spoken and intelligent of the lot. The Bloodhound and I worked security at last year's Monster Mania Con and the place was crawing with the dark kidz. They were always the ones that said "Excuse me...", "Please...", "Thank you..." when they asked us questions about the Con, it was the Day Walkers that were the obnoxious lot. Nuff said about that...
Well, I'm going to go try to crash whilst listening to the game on the wireless... If I can't sleep I'll be back...
later

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what am I listening to..?
Wayne Shorter - "Algeria"

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passing the time...
waiting for our dinner guest to arrive...
*insert ego fluffing commentary here...*
our dinner guest tonight is the starting center for the Philadelphia Sixers, Sam Dalembert... Sam has been one of our "sons" for many years. He is a wonderful person and has been making quite a name for himself these days. One hell of a b-ball player. He moves like a gazelle. He's also a pisser to hang with...
That being said...
I've been reading the trials and tribulations of living the goth lifestyle by Sweet and Sour Goth. She's got me to thinking lately about this whole "goth" thing... just what the hell is goth, anyway? Beats the fuck out of me... I guess, categorically, you can define it in many ways; let's see... there's street goth, perky goth, techno-goth, fetish goth, neo-goth, classic goth... then there's the "niners", the posers... shit, talk about sub-sub-sub cultures...
Maybe I should tell you a little about me and where I fit into all of this. Let's start with the blog title "Sad Old Goth...". I guess that on first read that might conjure up a picture of some depressed old Edgar Allen Poe sort of character, sitting and brooding by the fire, drinking sherry and lamenting a lost love. Well, no. It actually came from the Sisters of Mercy, one of the original bands of the goth music movement, describing their older fans... read "Sad" as pathetic. Nothing like a thirty year old still clinging to the fashion and style of their youth. Well, friends, fuck me... here comes the ego inflating moment... I was goth before there was goth, except that everyone just called me "that fucking freaky kid with the long hair and the black clothes...". Nice, huh? Well, I've gotta tell you, it's nothing to do with fashion, although I definitely envy the younger devotees these days; there was nothing like todays "dark" styles thirty some odd years ago...
Yeah, guess what? I'm staring down the dark, scary maw of fifty one years old. (so I guess the "Old" part works, huh).
There's an old saying, "clothes make the man/woman/boy/girl/dude/chick", pick what ever one you want, and, like all sub-cultures (geez, I hate that term... makes me think of some mold growing under your bathroom sink...), the necessity of a badge sometimes overtakes the sincerity behind the necessity. It's not what you look like, it's what and who you are. Now, I'm not saying that making a fashion statement is a wrong thing, maybe one of these days I'll post a picture of me on here all done up for a dark night on the town, but it's deeper than that. To expand; I know some people who are more apt to dress in jeans and polo shirts that are more into the goth lifestyle than some of the fishnet and black lipstick clad folks that I also keep company with. It's all "up here" *pointing at head*. I think that the whole attitude is one of appreciation for the bright, cheery, happy things about life in this mortal coil, whilst keeping perspective of the flip side - there's also a dark, somber and depressing side of life as well. Those who can see both and maintain a balance are those who I personally think of as "goth". Personally, I can't look at something beautiful without seeing something bleak behind it, or appreciate the beauty of a nice summer's day without knowing that a dark, scary night will follow. Shit, Mona Lisa probably has that coy little grin on her face because she has something on someone... the bitch.
I mean, let's face it, this particular life style is quite the example of the way a memepool functions. It all started with one person who stood out because his/her style of clothing, his/her love of a certain type of music, his/her outlook on life was "different". Then, like a virus, it spread. The individual became a model for more "individuals" and thus, a style was born.
Hey, gotta stop right here for now, Sam has arrived and there is much food and wine to be enjoyed! I shall be back later to pick this up, probably with a good bag on. So, for now, my children of the night, I bid thee fair 'eve.

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oh, the heck with it...
I can't wait for midnight!

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For Immediate Release

The Bloodhound and Sad Old Goth are pleased to announce the launch of the on-line home of


The Children of The Night Cafe!

Our mutual love of horror movies, caffeine and all things goth has ignited our desire to bring them all together in a unique experience; an establishment that is a combination Coffee House, Entertainment Center and a gathering place for all our friends to come together and enjoy these delights! While opening the doors of the Cafe is a ways off, we are launching our on-line gathering place as a means to get the word out and start the ball rolling to help us finance our dream.
The initial goal is to establish a Children of The Night Cafe in the Philadelphia area, and then, who knows where it will go!
Please visit our on-line Cafe to read more about our endeavors and help us bring our dream to life!
The Children of The Night Cafe!
What music we shall make!

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what am I listening to..?
the ticking of the clock...

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only...
seven and a half more hours!!!

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what am I listening to..?
the excited beating of my black little heart..!

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only two more days...
until Friday the 13th..!
*insert evil mad doctor laugh here*
later.

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what am I listening to..?
nothing, our phones are still dead..!

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the long arm...
of the Political Correctness Police reach not only far and long into our present, but into the past!
See this story on CNN
When will it all end? Why do these idiots have to create fodder for people like me to post stuff like this..?

Now, there's three Wise Men for you! How about we use them on all our holiday cards, instead of the traditional renderings of the Magi? I mean, what the hell..?
Oh, and by the way, Chris and Shana... this came from your side of the puddle... yikes!

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what am I listening to..?
Arise from Thorns - "The Calling..."

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a late dinner...
of some sardines with crackers and a nice Merlot... (Karine says *yuck!*)
hell of a thing, huh..? At least there's no one here but me... the manor is quiet, except for my music echoing throughout. I love being alone... is that scary? I don't know if it's really the solitude I like or just the lack of human proximity. It's quite a paradox to me... but then, most of my motley existance is build upon paradox...
I really, really would prefer a life of doing nothing but sitting out in the garden in summer, reading, or sitting inside by the fire in winter, reading, but in reality, I'm a workaholic. I really don't care for my present employment situation, it is, on the whole, quite frustrating, but I get stir crazy on the weekends when I'm not there...
I love my family, but prefer not to be around them... I love my friends, but don't seek out their company... I have, in my humble opinion, anyway, an outstandingly clear perception of the reality of things, but prefer to cocoon myself in my own little nether world of dreams... "Hic vigilens sonombulae" should be my motto... (it's been a long time since I actually used Latin... I hope that translates correctly...)
maybe I'm just tired... maybe I need a change... perhaps an adventure is in order...

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what am I listening to..?
Arise from Thorns - "Time Alone..."

---

as i just...
walked up the center stairs of the manor in the dark, I looked up through the large window at the top of the stairs and there, shining back at me is Saturn. After living in this grim old pile for so long, I've come to realize that there are some things about it that are quite by design, not by accident. Like that large window at the top of the stairs. The bottom of the stairs start in the foyer, which is in the front of the place, which faces just a few degrees west of due north, so, as you mount the staircase, you are facing just a few degrees east of due south. Most advantageous in winter, as the staircase is quite dark and the lowered arc of the winter sun allows it to stream through that window and really brightens it up so you don't break your neck. The added bonus is, as on nights like this, that window affords a wonderful view of the heavens; sometimes the moon lights up my night time passage to the upper chambers, and sometimes, like tonight, you get a little surprise like Saturn. I have to wonder how many occupants of this house, in the past one hundred and sixty three years have stopped to gaze at the heavens on their way to bed at night? How many fleeting flights of fancy have been inspired by the light of Lune? Or perhaps Orion, his hands raised in victory of the hunt as he winds his way across the winter's night? Such are the things that life in the manor inspires...

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what am I listening to..?
the screeching of the horses of the Nazgul...

---

put your time to better use...
than wasting it reading this stupid blog...
sharpen your quills and put your writing talents to work here.

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what am I listening to..?
actually, I'm watching The Fellowship of the Ring...

---

who...
was hit number 3,000?

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what am I listening to..?
October Project - "Bury my Lovely"

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chaos...
I was bored at work today, waiting for the movers to come and pack up everything to move to our new building, so I reworked the links section in the sidebar. I added a new link, "City of Shadows", a very beautiful website about Gothic London of old... and, Gothic Martha Stewart! Loads of fun there!
I also rearranged the links; I hope no one takes any offense at being catagorized. If you think you should be under a different heading, just let me know!
I read Aimee's Foxfire Diaries every day and she has been posting some wonderful stories about her childhood, please have a read. (She also said that she was going to post instructions for adding audio to your blog, but hasn't done it yet... hint, hint !)
Also, please check out Shana and Chris' Darchangels Digest - sign up with their Gobwebs forum so we can all chat!
And, if you haven't noticed *ahem* yet another teaser has been added to the sidebar... I can't wait for Friday the 13th!
I'm going to have a few glasses of wine (Ravenswood Cabernet) and finish the October Project cd, then maybe I'll be back later, I feel like waxing nostalgic myself... If you're not familiar with October Project, please search them out. They only produced two cd's and then went their separate ways, but they are worth the effort. Mary Fahl has a voice that has to be heard to be believed... on that note,
see ya!

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what am I listening to..?
silence... the office phone system is dead!

---

a new link...
in the Special Souls section... Sweet and Sour Goth. Check her out... great hair!!!
later

---

see what happens...
when you mix a stressful Tuesday afternoon, a dog skull and a digital camera at your office..?

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what am I listening to..?
the ringing sound in my ears from too much wine mixed with barbituates...

---

the day started out great...
I got up, made some coffee and went upstairs to take a shower. I turned on the water, stepped into the tub and promptly found myself lying on the floor next to the tub... luckily, my face broke the fall and aside from a sore nose and some bruises on my shoulder, elbows and hip, I managed to survive... hell of a thing...
anyway, I was a little sore as I drove to work, and it got worse during the day; by the time I got home I was sore as all hell, so I dropped a few pain killers left over from my root canal and had the better part of a bottle of wine...
now I feel all warm and fuzzy... actually I can't really feel my fingers, so typing this is quite an effort... I look forward to some interesting dreams tonight!
so, on that note, off to Nod I go... and, tomorrow, there will be only nine more days to go! I can't wait!
*I know something you don't know, I know something you don't know... nyaa, nyaa, na, nyaa, na!!!*
god, I am a jerk, ain't I..?
later.

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what am I listening to..?
the rain on the roof....

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only ten more days to go...
until the I can let you in on the secret... Friday the 13th... how appropriate! Stay tuned!

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what am I listening to..?
the once a month freight train rumbling by...

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oooh, spooky...
see what happens when some crazy old goth has too much time on his hands and Photoshop 7...
This is Zipper... he has something to do with the announcement that's coming soon...
ain't he a cutey???
He's been added to some of the stuff in Sad Old Goth's World of Shameless Consumerism, my Cafe Press store... check it out.
sorry to keep teasing you with all this announcement stuff, but it will be worth the wait!
ahh, I hear the tinkling of the dinner bell... the evening's repast is set...
I'll be back later!

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