How I didn't spend 6/6/06...Apparently my conservative goth clothing, jewelry and occasional black nail polish, along with the common knowledge amongst some people I know that I celebrate special days based upon the solar and lunar calendars, has inspired some interesting misconceptions. For the past two days, I've been peppered with the question,
"So, what did
you do for 6/6/06?". I think it might be easier to tell you what I
didn't do, and, perhaps, more fun;
I did not engage in any spooky gatherings intended to celebrate the anti-Christ, Satan, Lucifer, Old Nick, Hob, the Black Prince, the Prince of Darkness, the Un-Holy One or whatever you fancy calling him/her/it. I do not believe in the afore mentioned character, as, not being of the Judeo/Christian/Islamic ilk, that particular belief is not afforded me. I did not perform any dark rituals in order to summon the afore mentioned character, nor any other demon or imp, nor did I try to raise the spirit of Ernie Kovaks, although his company I would at least enjoy.
I did not slit the belly of a newborn baby with a silver blade, rip out it's steaming entrails, hold them to the night sky and utter incantations in unexpected tongues to divine the future, get a weather report or obtain the inside track on winning lottery numbers.
I did not dance around any bonfires, stir any cauldrons or cast any spells, nor did I stick pins in effigies.
I did not drink foul potions or slather myself with rude ointments, unless you can count a glass or two of Yellow Tail Shiraz-Cabernet and a generous application of Preparation H to an incessantly recurrent hemorrhoidial eruption.
I did not partake in any orgies, nor did I deflower any virgins, but I must admit that, should that particular opportunity present itself again in this life, it would be a sore test of my resolve. But I digress...
I did not have sex with any animals, domestic, wild or barnyard and I especially would not be interested in plugging some smelly old goat, as some ill-learned folks think is a mandatory act on such auspicious occasions...
I did not listen to any Black Sabbath albums, nor frustrate myself trying to play The White Album backwards.
I did not wear any robes, my moth-eaten old bathrobe not withstanding.
I did not cavort naked about the woods, wearing my deer antler helmet - I save that fun for really special celebrations.
I did not cast runes, deal the Tarot or read tea leaves.
I did not burn red, black, white or any other candle, save the pink one in the parlor to mask the musty smell the Manor takes on when we have a long spell of rainy weather.
I did not ride upon a broom.
I did not shape shift, but if I could, I would. My shape is worth shifting out of...
I did not converse with any familiars, other than to warn Tiger the Cat about having any designs on my evening repast that night, I get a real greedy streak about me when I have a home grilled cheeseburger at the ready; I will not share it with her. Besides, I would rather not be cleaning up cat barf in the middle of the night. That is
true evil...
I did not adorn the Manor or my person with inverted pentangles, upside-down crosses, black wreathes, bundles of hyssop or toad wort.
I did not watch any Harry Potter movies, nor read the Necronomicon.
I came home from work, put on my comfy gray sweatpants and a hoodie, ate my cheeseburger, plopped my ass down on the sofa, put a bag of ice on my knee, had a few glasses of wine, watched two hours of Law & Order, then went to bed. I think I may have smoked a cigarette or two.
I appreciate all they mystery and awe that everyone heaps on me, but it is ill spent. Really. I'm just a wanderer... and a bore.
I can't wait until 7/7/07...
Fare thee well.
what say you..?
