the chosen path...
you must pardon me if I wax a bit poetic here, I think the few little hints of Springtime the goddess has been teasing us with have been getting my mind to wandering a bit... or, it could have been the fourteen hour adventure in Middle Earth last Friday with my friend Larry... or it could be that, due to being in the downside of my time in this part of life, my mind is a bit concentrated on things that I still need to do with the time that has been given to me. Whatever it is, I've been doing a lot of floss gathering of late, thinking about the paths that I've chosen to tread over these many years and those that yet lay before me. It's hard to contend with the emotions of realizing that, in spite of my best efforts, I've chosen those ways that have led me to spend many years of my life doing for so many others and may have let slip by some of the time and things that I really wanted to do for myself, as trivial as they may seem in the face of what I have done. I've given up many things that I needed to do for myself over the years to make sure that others in my life have had what they needed and wanted and maybe I'm feeling a bit over-used, not in a bad way, but in a way that I think that my ability to fulfill some of my desires and needs and dreams may be waning and, perhaps, be gone forever in the face of time past. I don't mean to sound selfish, and that isn't what I'm trying to be, but I think I've come to a fork in the road that bears sitting down and contemplating a bit before I head off again. There are some things in my life that I need to change, there are some things that will never change and some that I don't know what to do with. On the upside, I've been blessed to have a most wonderful family. Sometimes they make me nuts and frustrate me more than you can possibly imagine, but that's partly my fault because I want them to enjoy the same wonderful life I've had and I'm a bit impatient with my daughter's ways of approaching their lives, I need to realize, more than I do now, that they need to find their own way and will, I'm quite sure. I think the most wonderful thing in my life is that I have been fortunate to have found another soul that I hold so dear, and holds me so dear, that we will be together to the end of these days and beyond. It is a wonderful thing to know that you are bound to someone else beyond all others and it is a binding that is so simple but so complex, so tightly bound but so loosely tied together. It is a treasure, indeed, to have someone who puts you before the superfluous and material things and, indeed, it is a treasure to have someone who knows that, in your heart, you are of good and just ways, inspite of the outer trappings. I am lucky, in that respect.
But, in the face of all that, I still feel there is a small chink in my soul that needs filling with something that has remained out of my grasp or at least my comprehension. I sometimes think it is true peace; not the peace of all things being quiet, calm, but the peace that comes with knowing that you are at one with things. It's hard to explain. It's like looking for a switch that turns on not the light, but the dark. It's like a door that opens to be closed. It's a conundrum, it is. I don't know if I will ever find that little missing piece of my life to fill that little hole in my soul and I don't even know where to start looking. Maybe the whole of it all will be that little piece, that, in the end, will compress into that tiny, little sliver to fill the crack, that will seal my soul and let me know that exhilaration, if only for a flash of time, before it's all over. Maybe we look too hard and too far to find that little thing, maybe we need to be like an old star that expands in it's brightness to shine above all others in the universe, only to collapse in on itself and, finally, become a black hole that pulls everything into it to the point where it becomes one with the all...
Maybe I just need to go walk in the woods a while at night and talk to the goddess, or spend a morning in the wilderness to hear the piper at the gates of dawn play his wistful plaint to welcome in the light... maybe I need to stop looking and let it find me...
It's hard to feel lost and found at the same time...
pearls before swine...

Hobbithon, revisited...
last Friday was one of the most relaxing, enjoyable days I've spent in a long, long time. We started at nine in the morning with breakfast and The Fellowship of the Ring and ended up at eleven that night with The Return of the King. All three films. The extended versions. Just me and my friend, Larry. And the cats. And the dog. And food. And drink. It was a wonderful thing... Thanks, Larry.
pearls before swine...

point of view...
ZEN

a Hobbithon..!

This Friday, my friend Larry and I are going to lock ourselves in his home theatre (a real home theatre, huge wall sized screen projection, surround sound, home theatre, not one of these little fifty inch tv jobs)light a roaring fire in the stove and watch all three Lord of the Rings movies back to back. Extended versions. Thirteen hours of Middle Earth. Food and drink and pipeweed and sleeping cats in your lap; Bagels, cream cheese, lox, jellies, fruit and coffee for breakfast; Spiced meat, cheese, hummus and sardine sandwiches for second breakfast and elevensies; Mordor Chili, Hobbit Stew for lunch. Inn of the Prancing Pony Pub fare for high tea - Scotch eggs; marinated mozzarella balls; pepper shooters; shortbread; cheese (Irish Cheddar and, of course, Brie); exotic nuts (ok, California pistachios, but they're fun to eat!); punctuated with bouts of good tobbac and pipeweed, all washed down with various libations worthy of The Fellowship... And that's what it's all about. We're a fellowship of two - beyond friends.
pearls before swine...

calling the seals...
whatever the demon malady is that has taken possession of my body, it's sense of humor knows no bounds... it has added sudden, violent bouts of puking to it's repertoire. It started at 3:40 this morning and has continued throughout the day.
just thought I'd share...
peace
pearls before swine...

viral equinox...
it's the first day of spring and I have a wicked sinus/upper respiratory thing that is making me more miserable than usual, if that's within the realm of your comprehension... it's skirting the outside edges of mine...
anyway, I hope the new season bodes well for one and all. I'm going to go dose myself with something to make me sleep through the night and maybe I'll be able to face the day tomorrow.
later
pearls before swine...

my brain hurts...
which is a warning signal that I need a vacation. Everything, and I mean everything is pissing me off. I actually lost my temper the other day, which is something that I'm not prone to doing. My perspective of life is very hazy right now, which is dangerous. I am in need of repair. Even the fair goddess, of whom I ask guidance every night when she shines so brilliantly in the dark sky, seems not to light my path so clearly these days. And music, which is at the very center of my spiritual being, fails to sustain me these days. I feel old and haggardly and used. My soul feels like old paper that would sooner crumble before it would even alight, should some flame touch it. I feel wretched. It's like having conquered some difficult mountain and, when standing on the summit, not feeling the exhilaration of the moment, but terror that the slightest breeze will blow me off the precipice to tumble to doom. It is not a good feeling.
I needs be gone to earth...
pearls before swine...

Emeril Lagothy...
Here's my recipe for a great sandwich as a meal. Enjoy.

3 large portabello mushroom caps
3 Cuban (frying) peppers
Bruschetta
Fresh Gorganzola cheese
two or three thin slices of yellow onion, separated into rings
Large loaf of Italian bread

About an hour before you're ready to start cooking, make a marinade by mixing about a cup of red wine vinegar, a third cup extra virgin olive oil, two table spoons of soy sauce, a pinch of salt, a good pinch of freshly ground pepper and a crushed clove of garlic. Mix it up good in a small jar and pour it over both sides of the caps, then put them in the fridge for an hour or so to soak it up.

Recipe:
Carefully cut the tops off the peppers, scrape out the seeds and set aside.
Heat a deep saucepan with cover over medium heat. Add some olive oil, put the peppers in, cover and let them start to cook.
Heat a second sauce pan over medium heat and pop in the mushroom caps, pouring any extra marinade into the pan.
The peppers will need to be turned often so they brown evenly. As you turn them, push them down flat as the get soft. They will take about twenty minutes to get done.
The mushroom caps should be turned after ten minutes, they will get done at the same time as the peppers.
While the peppers and mushrooms are doing their thing, preheat the over to 425 degrees, then open a can of Guinness Draft. Pour it into a frosted pint glass. Drink as needed to combat the heat of the kitchen.
When you turn the mushrooms after the first ten minutes, you can prep the bread. Slice it lengthwise and drizze a little oil and vinegar over the insides. Sprinkle with a little salt, pepper and oregano and put the bread into the oven to lightly toast.
When the bread is just starting to get crunchy, take it out of the oven, spread one side with some Bruschetta. Turn off the peppers and mushrooms. Pop the peppers onto a paper towel to drain off a bit of the oil, but don't let them start to get cold. On the second half of the bread, lay out the peppers, then the onion rings, some crumbled Gorganzola cheese and then the mushroom caps. Pour whatever hot marinade is left from the mushroom pan over everything, put on the top of the bread and slice it into convenient to handle sizes and have at it.

pearls before swine...

stating the obvious...
Estimates by the UN say that probably over a hundred thousand have been murdered in the genocidal war in Darfur, Africa, in the past year (item on the second page of the paper this morning); Man on trial grabs gun, kills judge and two other people in an Atlanta, Georgia, courthouse (24 hour coverage of the event and the ensuing manhunt on HSN, CNN and FoxNews).
100,000 murdered Africans are less newsworthy than 3 murdered Georgians.
I shall retire to Bedlam...

pearls before swine...

oh...
jesus up a tree...
this is turning into a once a week blog these days. sorry. roller derby is taking over my life. things should be calming down in another month or so once we get on a regular training schedule and the seemingly endless meetings taper off. We got an invite to do a segment on a Delaware TV show, more about that when I know something concrete.
Other than that, just champing at the bit for spring to get here. I need the equinox celebration in the worse way, I'm feeling most unconnected these days - maybe it will pull me back together a bit. Like Bilbo said, "I feel thin - like butter scraped across too much bread..."
see you soon.

pearls before swine...

good grief...
I am in pain. I tried to roller skate today. I managed to make it around the rink once without falling on my ass and immediatly got a cramp in my left calf. I am so out of shape it's not funny. And, roller skating is most definitly not the same as ice skating, which I can do with great ease and grace. I think some lessons are in order and I really, really need to start stretching and working out again. I must stop being so lazy.
Tiger the cat is hanging out with me, she's sitting on the computer table watching me type and head-butting my arm. I think she's feeling old, too. I really don't remember exactly how old she is, but she's at least thirteen or so. Starting to get a bit scruffy around the edges, too. She's my constant companion. We're a lot alike, we pretty much like to be left alone and we're both content with our lives. She sure sheds, though. Not a good thing for my usually black wardrobe. I can understand why the ancient Egyptians considered cats gods and why other civilizations considered them to have mysterious and mystical powers. I think it's their itensity; what ever they do, from sleeping to eating to sitting and staring out a window, they put all they have into it. Cats are most Zen like in that way. I think they've found the one in all things. I feel bad that she has spent most of her life confined to the house, I wish we lived where she could go out and safely explore the world. I hope she doesn't hold it against me. I almost lost her once to an encounter with a car and don't want to go through that again, nor put her through that again, either. She seems happy enough, I hope she really is.
Well, friends, I'm going to go have something to eat and a beer or two. Maybe it will make the cramp in my leg go away.
later.

pearls before swine...

life a go-go...
whew! It's a good thing that my body eventually gives out and I get some much needed sleep every few days... we've been very, very busy on the roller derby front. Lot's of wheeling and dealing, handshake agreements, total madness...
The benefits of living the good life are finally coming around, and *gasp* my faith in humankind may yet be restored. Even if the roller derby gig falls on it's ass, we'll have made some great friends and had one hell of a time, but I doubt it will fail unless we let it. It is so much fun putting something like this together and watch it take on a life of it's own. If things keep progressing with the same pace of the past few weeks, we may be able to have an exhibition match in the late fall.
Other than that, life, crazy as it is, goes on. The final phase of the great kitchen remodeling adventure is about to begin with work on the new countertops, sink and fixtures and all the little cool stuff like new switchplates and decorative stuff. Then, on to the dining room. Fear not, a new chapter of This Old Lair is in the offing.
Gotta run, lots to do tonight so I can meet the girls at the rink tomorrow morning for some skating practice.
later.
pearls before swine...

I promise...
sometime over the next week I will update my links in the sidebar. I need to get rid of the dead links and add those of you, dearest readers, who have blogs of your own. I feel guilty when I read your blogs and see a link to SOG and I haven't yet returned your kindness, I will amend my lazy ways soon...
as you were. or weren't. whatever...
pearls before swine...

the further decline...
of western civilization, part 35...
I'm sitting here, surfing the net whilst watching a college basketball game and a commercial came on that really made my balls hurt; It's a commercial for BMW automobiles, starts out with some woman in a parking garage climbing up on a garbage can to adjust a security camera. Then it moves inside to a series of little vignettes of this business suit clad, hair pulled back into a severe bun loser taking every opportunity to hang out at the water cooler so she can peek in the windows of the security office to look at her fucking car on the security video monitors. And, to top it off, it's USED! Oh, pardon me, BMW, previously owned... good jumpin' jesus on a stick, what the fuck? Do people really swoon and moon over their damned cars like that? Have I been missing out on something all my long, obviously unfulfilled life? I don't recall any car ever giving me a hard on like that dizzy broad had over her's. Don't get me wrong, I've owned vehicles that I was really, really fond of, like my '39 Packard Hearse and my '67 VW pop-top camper, but I managed to keep my undies dry and I sure as hell didn't stand there all day staring at them. I guess it's the same deal as these guys who just have to drive Hummers and Mercedes and pickup trucks that you could haul the Titanic up a boat ramp with, just because it says, "HEY, LOOK AT ME! I'M A MAN!". Nope, you're just some insecure asshole with good credit. One of these days when I see one of these manly types getting out of their 'Vette or their jacked up SUV in a parking lot, I'm going over to him, shake his hand and tell him what an honor it is to meet someone who's fucking dick is so small that they had to buy something like that to make up for it. Think they'll get the joke?
Our society (note: word used very, very loosely here...) is most definitely going to shit, friends. How much better would it be if people doted over their fellow human's plight as they do over their cars? I don't know anyone who would take half of what a car payment would be and donate it to a charity once a month, but they'll take their three or four hundred a month and throw it down the rat hole so they can feel good about themselves. Fuckin' party on, Wayne...
Well, I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette outside and stare at my eight year old car and my wife's seven year old car...
later, citizens...
pearls before swine...

damn...
I've been around...

bold the states you've been to, underline the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C /

Go HERE to have a form generate the HTML for you.

I gotta hit North Dakota one of these days, I have no idea how I missed it!




pearls before swine...