7.31.2005

i feel like crap...

i've had a sore throat and raspy cough since may. i've been to the doctor twice, ingested scores of antibiotics, nasal sprays and decongestant inhalants, to no avail. now the soreness has spread up into my ears, down into my chest and shoulders and even down my spine. my tongue and the roof of my mouth feel like they've been scalded and all my joints hurt. i'm beginning to think that i may be going through another bout of lyme disease, or maybe something similar. i feel like i have a fever all the time. even my equilibrium is being effected. i made an appointment with a throat specialist for next week, but if i keep feeling worse every day, i may just bag it and call an infectious disease specialist and see if i can get in as an emergency case. this sucks. my eyelids even hurt. my jaw joints hurt. all i want to do is sleep, which is difficult, as it feels like someone is sitting on my chest when i lay down. 'tis a strange malady, indeed. nothing seems to lessen the symptoms nor aggravate them, they just go on and on and on.
as a matter of fact, my wrists hurt so much that i don't even want to be typing this, so i'm going to stop here.
have a nice night.
pearls before swine...

7.26.2005

how did it come to this..?

I'm sitting here drinking pink wine that came out of a box and listening to new age music. Somebody shoot me now...
Anyway, I took the long way home tonight, opting for the slower, more scenic drive on Route 537 from Cherry Hill to Freehold and it got me to thinking about just where my New Jersey has gone. I think what spawned that thought was just how rural that particular way has remained. When I was growing up in New Jersey so long ago, just after the Lenni Lenape left, having run out of dinosaurs to hunt, it was still a wild place away from the larger towns and cities, especially Monmouth County. I recall riding around with my parents on a Sunday in the summer, which was our form of air conditioning, traveling on bluestone or sand and oil roads, through the woods of the midlands, up the bluffs of the Highlands, through the potato and horse farms of Freehold, stopping at a farmer's home to buy eggs and return the carton that held the eggs from the week before. Manalapan High School sits on that farm now, just down the road from Stately Sad Old Goth Manor. Old Tennent Church was always a treat to see, my father relating the tales of how it was used as a hospital during the Battle of Monmouth in 1779, how the pews were stained with the blood of patriots, of the musket balls lodged in the walls. It was quite a specter of a building to me, big and tall and white, surrounded by ancient trees and the tumble down tombstones with dates that could only be imagined... I wonder how many times I passed my current home and didn't even notice it? We would drive from Tennent into Freehold, which, in my eyes was as busy and quaint as I imagined old London might be; the old courthouse, the ornate facades on the stores and, right there in the center of town, right in the middle of the intersection of Main Street and South Street, a fountain, with a trough for watering horses; it's long gone now.
Then, north on up to Route 520, through the wilds of Marlboro and Holmdel, across the old steel girder bridge just before Route 34, barely wide enough for two cars to pass, up twisty and dark Red Hill Road and on to home. Sometimes we would ride down Route 36, which was only two lanes, with the occasional center passing lane, the "suicide lane" as my parents called it, heading east toward the wide Atlantic. Through Port Monmouth, Leonardo, Atlantic Highlands, the Highlands, over the drawbridge and south into Seabright, where huge stones, so big they could only have been laid there by giants, kept the cold ocean at bay. Sometimes we would cut back west into Red Bank, that mystical Christmas town of my youth, where, once Thanksgiving dinner had been digested for a few days, we would venture on a chilly night to see the Christmas lights that hung over the streets, to wonder at the store windows, all dressed for the holiday and my personal Mecca, Prown's Hardware Store, the front window of which was transformed into a wonderland of Lionel trains, running round and round, through tunnels carved into paper mache mountains, the tops of which were frosted with thick painted snow, over bridges that spanned blue mirror lakes, on which painted metal figures posed in the perpetual skating dance of winter. Cardboard buildings, draped with batts of cotton and glittering mica flakes. Ah, that was something. And, if it wasn't Red Bank, it might be Matawan or Keyport or Asbury Park, before it took to wearing it's Ode to Dresden cloak...
Boy, that went on a bit, didn't it? I get a bit nostalgic for those days. Maybe it was the perspective of a kid, but my New Jersey was a series of little vignettes, one act plays. Little views that were special. Places that seemed older than time. An ancient time. Big trees, dark woods, vast farms, creeks and ponds, all part of a wonderful life that now, sadly, has been transformed into a whirlwind, a maelstrom of rushing automobiles, cookie cutter housing developments, intruding parking lot lights that ruin the night sky and a curious race of people who seem to have come from the Land of Rude. Dirt roads, dappled by the summer sun through the leaves of the towering trees are now flattened and paved; woods to wander through are now shopping centers; even the old towns are now just quaint shopping areas, a shell of forced nostalgia, even they long for the days that cannot be regained. No more walking down the street to Carey's store, where one of the Carey sisters would get cans of vegetables down from the top shelf with one of those pole like grabber things and give you twenty five cents worth of loose candy for your precious hard earned nickel. No more milkman rattling up the driveway with his basket of bottles, bricks of butter and fresh made cottage cheese. No more chasing the mosquito truck down the street on my Huffy, although, for the life of me, I can't imagine how I can still be sitting here now after inhaling all that kerosene smoke...
All the little sights, all the sidelong glances, all those special little pictures of such a beautiful place have been replaced by progress, thrust into my face, like some offensive pie hurled by a cruel clown. And yet, it's still my New Jersey. I love it and I hate it at the same time. I want to flee from it, but want it to hold me tight forever. It will never be the same, but will always be the same, as long as I take the time to look, maybe look a little harder, but it's there, all the same.
Next time I'll tell you about the smells of my New Jersey. Hey, no jokes, ok?
Gotta run, I want to go look at the moon and the last of the summer's fireflies.
Be well.

pearls before swine...

7.20.2005

fare thee well...

Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott.
May your journey be swift and your course true. And to James Doohan, who brought such a likeable character to life, nay, something larger than life, I thank you. May peace be upon you.
So, to James and Scotty, I raise a glass of my favorite, Dewar's on the rocks, and toast to your life and the sojourn ahead.
"Here’s to them... brought us this far
And to them we’ve yet to see,
Them that made us what we are
And them that we will be."

pearls before swine...

7.18.2005

well, it's been a long time...

hasn't it? I've been suffering from alternating bouts of laziness, angst, exhaustion and general malaise of late... and thought it prudent not to post anything in here whilst in that particular state of mind. I've been feeling a little intolerant lately, too and thought that, if my last post was any indication of what I was actually capable of in that particular state of mind, I had better lay off for a while. That was the first post that I've actually considered going in and deleting, but, I've never done it before and won't start now. I must apologize for allowing my mental state to sway my better judgement and post something so brash and unfeeling. I fear that I'm on the verge of turning into one of those intolerant bastards that I profess to hate so. I shan't let that happen and if I ever have the audacity to post something like that again, please feel free to call me on it. I need a wake up call sometimes, just like everyone else.
Other than that, the weather of late is having an effect on the grounds and even on Stately Sad Old Goth Manor® itself... the growth of moss on the northeast side rivals any attempt I've ever made at cultivating anything. It does lend a certain old-world quality to the place, especially when taken in from a few steps back so the ivy that manages to escape my control and send a few tendrils up here and there can be part of the picture. It's almost quaint. Almost.
Inside the Manor, I've been busy with the final issues to be resolved in order to finish up the remodeling of the scullery, like installing the new, over the range microwave with exhaust hood built in. They are designed to be secured to the bottom of a cabinet. There is no cabinet over the range. I had to build a sturdy shelf of three quarter birch ply and oak framing to act in the cabinets stead. Of course, there is nothing in the way of studs in the general vicinity that I can attach it to, so I had to remove a large portion of sheetrock from the pantry wall that backs it up and install sections of two by four between the studs that I could find, so as to have something to lag-bolt it into. It makes it easier to run the necessary electric, anyway, so it was not a wasted effort, and will spur me on to the task of remodeling the pantry soon. Maybe.
Final installation will wrap up this week inbetween roller derby practice sessions and then it's on to the counter tops, new sink basin and fixtures. After that, just some final moulding work here and there and some touch up painting of the walls and cabinets where I've managed to ding them up moving stuff around and swinging tools about and such.
Well, I have to roll on up to the rink for this evenings practice and then go home and get some sleep. I hope this humidity breaks soon, everything in the Manor is either damp or sticky, or both, the meager window air conditioning units just can't keep up with it when it goes on for this long. The most enjoyable thing is the bannister up the center stairs; it must have been washed five thousand times over the years we've lived here, especially when the girls were small, but when the humidity is like this, it feels like it's been coated with sticky goo and never been touched. Blech... Most of the doors have swollen up enough to stick here and there and even the ghosts of pets past seem to come out of the woodwork to add their odors to those of Sheba the Hound from Heck® and Tiger the Cat®, there's nothing you can do about it in this weather... except burn lots of patchouli candles and sprigs of sage here and there to help ward it off.
I promise to be back soon. The sun is starting it's slow climb down the zodiac and the tinges of my usual winter funk tease me with their little pokes here and there... ah, prime blogging season, the dreads of winter, how I love it so...
be well.
pearls before swine...

7.08.2005

these are the morons...

who seek to destroy us and our way of life, in the name of a religion founded by a psychotic pedophile...

and this is why
they never will...
pearls before swine...

7.06.2005

scotch on the rocks...

almost sounds like the bad seafaring adventures of someone named McCleod, doesn't it? Well, it's only Dewar's White Label over ice and it goes well with this typical New Jersey early summer's evening. It's thundering and raining in the back yard and the setting sun is bathing the front yard and porch of Stately Sad Old Goth Manor in that almost orange hue that I love so much. It's the perfect situation for a rainbow, so you must forgive me if I get up once in a while to peer out the bay window in the back parlor wall to see if we are graced with one. Nope, not yet. Maybe soon. Interesting things, rainbows. As a matter of fact, when I was young it was a rainbow that ushered in the beginning of the loss of innocence for me. Looking back, I'd rather that it had been brown haired and freckled Susan who lived across the street with whom my adventure into reality had been begun, but, alas, it was a rainbow. When I was very young, I was enchanted with the things. I would wait for weather like this in the summer so I could see one and I would stand in the hot, steamy rain and stare at it, much to the chagrin of my mother who was terrified of lightning and was sure I was going to be charred on the spot, but it never happened and I was able to see my rainbows every time one was around. Then, when I was about nine years old, my parents bought a set of World Book Encyclopedias from a traveling World Book Encyclopedia sales woman and they were my eventual down fall. I started reading them from morning to night, even sneaking them under the covers with a light until the wee hours of the night, absorbing everything like that much proverbialized sponge and then it happened... right there in volume "R" was a detailed description of the mechanics of rainbows... rainbows, it turns out, are not some miracle, but merely the refraction of low angle light through small suspended droplets of water in the air, a neat optical trick requiring just the right amount of moisture and the absolute perfect angle of the sun... there was no mention of pots of gold or chasing of said rainbows, only in passing comment that such fanciful things were assigned to and by the weak of mind and most un-learned souls, to whom the whole concept of light and water were too deep to comprehend... I was so proud to find myself at last among the great learned souls of the ages, I could explain, with minute detail, how such a thing could occur, even predicting them with great accuracy. And then, I realized that they ceased to be magical, like so many other things that I learned about from those heavy, red volumes of The World Books. Deep and dark Africa ceased to be a place of mystery and became just a hot suburb of Europe; The apple blossoms that graced the ancient trees in the woods behind my house were no longer the special scent of spring, they were only the reproductive parts of the trees that, with some lucky visits by bees, would become apples in the fall; Clouds became merely ordinary. The age of innocence was ushered out by 10 point Garramond and halftones, deposited on clay coated paper by a roto-gravure printing press... And, like riding a bike, once you learn something, you can never un-learn it, there is no going back to that day when wonder was the common place thing in life and facts and figures, the tools of the stupid adults, were things that got in the way and made life miserable and complicated...
So, I guess I'll finish my distilled spirits, sitting in a blow-molded cylinder of fire hardened silica, with small pieces of cold, solidified water and go outside and see there's any rainbows to be had... they still blow my mind, anyway, in spite of myself.
later

pearls before swine...

whoa...

almost fell back into that political commentary quagmire again... sorry. I wish I was better at it. I think the key is to not get too emotional about it, but use your feelings to stir the feelings of others. Sort of vicarious bitching, I guess. Anyway, enough of that. There are other fish to fry.
pearls before swine...

7.04.2005

long time...

no blog...
Had a great time at Monster Bash last weekend, especially the side trips we took on the way out to the Pittsburgh area, which included a stay in an old fashioned motor court motel and some local attractions; came back last Sunday night, spent Monday moving out the old kitchen range and waiting for the new one to be delivered in the pouring rain, which it was. The propane guy came on Tuesday morning to hook it up and then I started widening and regrading the driveway. That took two days. Went across the street to the local landscaping place and ordered twelve tons of stone, which was delivered late that afternoon. Spent thirteen hours shoveling and grading stone on Thursday, as well as seeing my old friend, the propane guy, who had to come back to rebuild my hot water heater, which waited to croak until he had left on Tuesday. Didn't realize it had died until the hot water in the tank finally ran out on Wednesday night. Cleaned up the yard and pool on Friday morning, did some shopping and went to a cyber-goth-fetish club on Friday night... don't ask, ok?
Got in at three thirty Saturday morning and got up at nine and spent the entire day mowing, trimming, weeding, edging, all the fun yard stuff. Sunday was the big family party; food, booze, family, booze, friends, food, booze, bonfire, booze, horseshoes, food, booze and fireworks. Got to bed around one this morning and slept in. Spent the rest of today hanging out in the pool and got one hell of a sunburn on the top of my legs... can't wait to put a pair of long pants on for work tomorrow. I really needed the week off, even though I busted my ass the whole time. I haven't had a full week off since I had my hernia fixed two years ago. I think that I'll take another week off in the fall, maybe around Hallowe'en and another around Christmas. Anyway, that's my story. Hope you had a great Fourth.
See you soon.
pearls before swine...